This post is a great pairing for “How to Date a Trans Guy.” The trans and bi identities are overlapped in many ways, which is probably why they’ve become such good allies for one another. While one is about gender expression and the other is about sexual orientation, both are largely treated like crap by the straight, gay and queer communities. Bi and trans people are seen as upholding binaries, yet treading in too many identities at once and trying to live as they are, but apparently what they are isn’t good enough.
Quite frankly, such beliefs are made by people who don’t know jack shit. And by not knowing jack shit, they’re missing out on some of the most awesome, attractive people on the planet. If you’re someone who’d like to stop missing out, here are some tips on how to date a bi guy.
Don’t ask stupid questions
You’d think this would be a given, right? Yeah no. Actually think before you open your mouth. Don’t ask your date if he thinks his bisexuality is a phase, how he can be absolutely sure he isn’t just gay, or if his orientation means he’s into threesomes or polyamory. Ask him about his life, not about stereotypes magnetized to his identity. He got enough of that from other people before he thought you might be cool enough to have a drink with. Don’t make him regret it.
The Google machine is your friend
This is my nice way of saying take two damn seconds to read a freaking pamphlet instead of making your date answer all of your curiosity questions. If you’re hanging out with a bi guy and want to get to know him better, ask him about him, not about bisexuals at large. Do your homework before you leave for your first date. It’ll prove that you’re trying to give a damn.
Let your talk go sexual only when you want to get sexual
Don’t ask your date’s sexual habits, desires, or appetites unless your point is to fulfil them. Very, very soon. If a conversation gets sexual, it’s read that you find him desirable, not that you’re treating him like a novelty. (Side tip: Don’t treat him like a novelty.)
Don’t assume he’s suddenly gay now that he’s with you
He’s also not suddenly straight if he was with a woman, or “still” bisexual if he was with a trans person. Offensive much? Sexual orientation is sexual orientation and attraction isn’t concreted through action alone. Otherwise, virgins would be so much more unsure of themselves. How would they ever know which gender they’d like to try first?
